yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
