Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
