yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
