we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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