i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
