wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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