all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
