...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
