come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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