you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
