Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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