so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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