Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
