he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
