We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
