What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
