It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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