I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
