im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
