one word: firstdatebathroomanal
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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