she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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