Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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