Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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