I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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