before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
