You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
