You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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