The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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