I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
