Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
