The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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