her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
