just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
