Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
