I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
