??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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