he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
