Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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