Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
