im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
