normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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