I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
