These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
