last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i think we sleep fucked last night...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
