My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
