I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
