Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
