before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize