I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
