Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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